State Of The Union Penned By A High School Sophomore

I’ve graded many, many papers in my day. I’ve grading work written by freshmen to seniors in high school and I’ve read some really solid material. Breathtakingly good stuff. Writing so terrific it made me wonder what I could ever possibly teach certain students.

Then there’s the other stuff I’ve read. The, ummmm, not-so-good stuff. Really shaky material. Breathtakingly bad stuff. Writing so terrible it made me wonder what other career I could pursue.

Yesterday, The Cinnamon Girl read me excerpts from a State of the Union address that was published in The New Yorker. The conceit is it was ghost written for the President by a high school sophomore working on a typical high school sophomore deadline having started writing the thing the night before.

You can look at the whole text HERE. I’ve pulled out a few excerpts below. The entire piece is worth your time. It’s hysterical.

“This State of the Union address will address the union about the state of the economy, foreign policy, and the general state of this country.”

“Over all, the union is very sturdy, thanks due to the countless efforts by citizens of the United States, of which there are fifty in all, including New Mexico, California, Maine, Iowa, West Virginia, East Virginia, and so on.”

“In conclusion, the United States is a great country that is responsible for great things, including the iPhone, Beyoncé, and all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets. And let’s not forget one Mr. George Washington, who, as was stated earlier, was the first President of the United States of America.”



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Filed under George Washington, High School, Sophomore, State of the Union, The Cinnamon Girl, The New Yorker, US History

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